the onion

The Onion, for those not familiar, is a satirical weekly (fake) news site that dubs itself "America's Finest News Source." Over the years, I've kept a list of links to my favorite articles, so I thought I'd share. Keep in mind that The Onion is intended for audiences over age 18, so yes, there will sometimes be swearing, crassness, and/or criticism of people in power. You've been warned.

Education

• Study: Children Of Divorce Twice As Likely To Write Bad Poetry (I can't seem to find this one on The Onion's website, but this is a mirror of it.)
  
• Parents Of Nasal Learners Demand Odor-Based Curriculum
  
• Educational Puppet Pelted With Crayons (Starring Donny Dungarees, Peggy Pipecleaners, and Friendly Policeman Henry)
  
• Hilarious Hamlet Essay Circulated In Teachers' Lounge

Children/Teens

• Mall Security All Up In Girl's Face
  
• Fun Toy Banned Because Of Three Stupid Dead Kids
  
• Child Earns Clock Radio For 78 Hours Of Work
  
• Spoiled, Doughy Brat Makes Local Parent Feel Spiritually Whole
  
• Woodland Pals Hold Impromptu Oompah-Band Jamboree (Hilarious if you're familiar with the old Disney cartoon they're parodying. Favorite name: "Hoofington P. McSnort," the bull.)

Society & People

• 10-Percent Tip Teaches Waitress Valuable Lesson
  
• Report: 98 Percent Of U.S. Commuters Favor Public Transportation For Others
  
• Welcome To T.G.I. Fridays! May I Annoy The Living Sh*t Out Of You?
  
• Area Man Constantly Mentioning He Doesn't Own A Television
  
• Getting Mom Onto Internet A Sisyphean Ordeal
  
• Couple Doesn't Deserve Deck (Ah, life in the suburbs.)
  
• As You Can See From My Name-Brand Clothing, I Am Not Poor
  
• Crack Dealer Only Tenant Landlord Can Depend On For Rent
  
• Video-Game Character Feeling Healthier After Eating Turkey Leg Off Ground
  
• Why Can't We Live In Enlightened Topless Europe?
  
• Quiet Guy Mistaken For Nice Guy
  
• Point-Counterpoint: My Computer Totally Hates Me! vs. God, Do I Hate That B*tch
  
• Ask A Chat Room
  
• Hero Dog Fills Out Hospital Paperwork
  
• Miracle Of Birth Occurs For 83 Billionth Time

Business & Work

• Richard Branson's Global-Warming Donation Nearly As Much As Cost Of Failed Balloon Trips
  
• Heart And Soul Of Team Badly In Need Of Brain
  
• Twelve Customers Gunned Down In Convenience-Store Clerk's Imagination (Be sure to click the crime scene graphic as well.)
  
• Auto Workers Strike For More Acrylic Novelty Baseball Caps
  
• Graphic Designer's Judgment Clouded By Desire To Use New Photoshop Plug-In (Something I can really relate to.)
  
• Small Businessman Conducts Business On Miniature Golf Course
  
• Energetic Self-Starter Instantly Despised By Co-Workers
  
• Bleary-Eyed Coworker Up All Night Generating More Work For You

Politics & Government

• Heroic PETA Commandos Kill 49, Save Rabbit
  
• ACLU Defends Nazis' Right To Burn Down ACLU Headquarters
  
• Mister Rogers' Neighborhood Gerrymandered To Serve King Friday's Make-Believe Agenda
  
• U.N. Orders Wonka To Submit To Chocolate Factory Inspection
  
• Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory
  
• Guess What--It's Tom DeLay's Frisbee Now
  
• NSA Wiretap Reveals Subject May Be Paying Too Much For Long-Distance
  
• Illegal Immigrants Returning To Mexico For American Jobs

They ran a great series the week after the 2000 presidential election:

• Nation Plunges Into Chaos
  
• Clinton Declares Self President For Life
  
• Serbia Deploys Peacekeeping Forces To U.S.
  
• NBC News Reverses Earlier Report Of Gore's Death

Amber Richardson
Amber is a (fictional, thank you) street-wise teenage mother who regards herself an expert in the area of child-raising. I'll warn you once again that coarse language is par for the course in the following series of articles, but I lump them into the "funny because it's sadly true" category:

• Ain't Nobody Going To Tell Me How Raise My Baby (The first installment, unfortunately not available online, but included in the book The Onion's Finest News Reporting.)
  
• I Hope My Baby Doesn't Come Out All F*cked-Up And Sh*t
  
• Why Somebody Always Around Every Time I Drop My Baby?
  
• My Baby Don't Want No Medicine

And lastly, I would be remiss in not mentioning "Harry Potter Books Spark Rise In Satanism Among Children," which many people (OK fine I'll say it: fundies) thought was a real article. Read about it at snopes.

Edited to add: Two others I forgot earlier:

• Point-Counterpoint: Nigeria May Be A Developing Nation, But It Is Rich In Culture vs. Get Me Out Of This Godforsaken Hellhole
  
• Point-Counterpoint: I Am So Starving vs. I Am So Starving