new rules: Christmas songs
Although I'm not a fan of Bill Maher's style, I do occasionally enjoy his New Rules segment. Well, here are my "new rules" for Christmas songs:
New Rule: Songwriters are no longer permitted to use the phrase "Christmas comes this time each year" or the similarly-themed "Christmas comes but once a year," both for their unoriginality and their statement of the obvious.
New Rule: No more rhyming "year" with "cheer" or "toys" with "boys." Unless your Christmas song is about boytoys, in which case I likely don't want to hear it anyway.
New Rule: Ministers and others preaching in churches must remember that "Little Drummer Boy" is not a story from the Bible and thus should probably not be alluded to during the prayer as though it were.
New Rule: The populace in general must remember that "Little Drummer Boy" is annoyingly repetitive, and made all the worse when interjected with David Bowie's commentary.
New Rule: Rod Stewart and Dolly Parton are no longer permitted to sing The Date Rape Song. (OK, I know that's not really how it's supposed to be interpreted, but come on... "what's in this drink"??)
New Rule: Beach Boys + Christmas = No. It's just wrong. Wrong, I say!
New Rule: No Christmas song shall contain the phrase "Oh by gosh by golly." I hope the reasons are obvious.
And lastly, New Rule: All Christmas songs recorded by Barb'ra Streisand are hereby declared illegal. And no, Hanukkah songs aren't permitted either, even though she's Jewish; Barb'ra's whole career is illegal forthwith.
Thank you.
4 Comments:
Um, are OTHER singers allowed to sing the "Date Rape" song? Or is the whole song taboo?
Heh, it's true I don't much enjoy the song itself, but I find Ms. Parton's particular (melodramatic?) vocalization of it rather grating. :)
Oh by gosh by golly, ya take all the fun out of Christmas.
I love your New Rules. I think the same should go for DO YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR as for LITTLE DRUMMER BOY. Not very good sermon material, especially considering that the King referred to in the final verse was Herod, who, instead of saying, "Pray for peace, people everywhere," would have launched a campaign of infanticide throughout the kindgom.
Merry Christmas,
Skip Corris
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