language pointers

Here are a few grammar- and language-related pointers for those who care:

"Needless to say" means just that; it does not mean "here's a little bit of wordy filler to make this sentence sound conversational." "Needless to say" should be used when the next clause is something obvious to the reader; that's why it doesn't need to be said (even though the writer goes on to say it anyway).

Incorrect: "A telemarketer called me today. Needless to say, I despise telemarketing, so I hung up on him."
Correct: "The last time a telemarketer called me, I gave him a laundry list of reasons why I wouldn't give him my birthdate and Social Security number to a stranger over the phone. Now I've decided to just hang up on them. Needless to say, I despise telemarketing."

See the difference? In the first example, the writer's dislike for telemarketing was not made obvious by the context, whereas in the second case it was supported by the previous statements.

The plural of virus in English is viruses, not viri or virii. And no, I don't care how many times you think you've seen virii in a professional publication; reputable publishers use viruses, as do dictionaries. This page explains it in more detail, but the short version is that "virus" originally referred to snake venom, hence there was no need for a plural form in Latin. Viri is the plural of vir ("man"), and virii would require the singular form to be virius (a word which does not exist). Contrary to popular belief, hypercorrection does not make one sound smarter. :)

When something belongs to it: its; when it is: it's. Although English adds apostrophe-s to indicate a possessive ("bryan bird's blog"), this is not the case with pronouns such as he ("his"), they ("theirs"), and we ("ours"). The easiest way to remember it is this: if you can't change "it's" into "it is," then use its.

Along that same line, apostrophe-s never makes a word plural! Really: never! I'll let Dave Barry field this one:
Dear Mister Language Person: What is the purpose of the apostrophe?
Answer: The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business signs to alert the reader that an "S" is coming up at the end of a word, as in: WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHECK'S, or: NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY ITEM'S.

Another important grammar concept to bear in mind when creating hand- lettered small-business signs is that you should put quotation marks around random words for decoration, as in "TRY" OUR HOT DOG'S, or even TRY "OUR" HOT DOG'S.
--Dave Barry, Tips for Writer's

That all said, I've probably made several grammatical and spelling errors in this post myself, which we at the snopes.com message board sometimes call Todd's Law: "As a post corrects the grammar and spelling of a previous post, the probability of the post itself containing grammatical and spelling errors approaches 1." This is why, if a written piece is really important, it's always good to let it sit for a day or two before proofreading it, or to give it to another person to read. Preferably a person who knows the plural of virus. And doesn't use sentence fragments. Or begin sentences with conjunctions for effect. Like that. *ahem*