an exercise in flying time

Every now and then, the concept of time slaps me in the face and I suddenly realize that three months have gone by and I still haven't accomplished X, Y, or Z, and conveniently ignored A, B, and C, which had resigned U, V, and W to the back burner.

Ten years ago, I was just finishing up the first quarter of my sophomore year of high school. Marching band was coming to a close. In a few weeks, I would beat out upperclassmen to become first chair trombonist in the upper level concert band. The school board's decision to close Elyria West High School, and the ensuing public outcry -- both for and against -- was still months away.

Five years ago, I was in the fall semester of my junior year of college. This brought with it by far the most fun and interesting class of my college career: glassblowing (I only got burned once). It was also the first semester of my on-campus job, helping students in my dorm's computer lab. This year I would also learn that Papa John's pizza at 1 a.m. (the only pizza place in Bowling Green that delivered after midnight) will wake you out of a sound sleep at precisely 4 a.m. to drink a full glass of water. Or two.

Three years ago, I was playing piano for a local production of Forever Plaid. The cast hit it off right away, both on and off the stage. During this time, I would have my first taste of alcohol (that's right: none in college, at all). I served as pianist for this same theatre's production of Cabaret several months later, and it was members of this cast that started meeting weekly for cheap tacos at a restaurant in Lakewood. As each of us did more shows, the group grew and shrank and evolved. Excepting high school friends I rarely see, all of my current local friends are related to the "taco group" in some way.

Two years ago, I was right in the middle of a massive graphics project at work, designing the concert program for Cleveland TubaChristmas 2003 (warning: large file, 1.7 MB). Aside from being thanked profusely for my hard work and receiving a bonus, I was asked to be the pianist for the concert. Although I only accompanied a few songs, it was incredibly cool to be on the stage of Severance Hall with 100 world-class tuba and euphonium players. Among these were Brian Bowman from the University of North Texas and Ron Bishop, principal tubist of the Cleveland Orchestra, who I accompanied on their solos. Talk about an honor.

One year ago, on November 16, I saw my general practitioner about an odd, painless lump on my neck, just above the collarbone. One month later, I was fully diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma, Nodular Sclerosis, Stage IIa and began planning a schedule for chemotherapy and radiation.

Six months ago, I was about to finish up chemo and was beginning to adjust to the newfound age of 25.

Three months ago, my blog made an appearance in The Chronicle Telegram.

Two months ago, Hurricane Katrina had just begun to destroy the lives of thousands, all the while bringing this country together, only to dash it back apart, just like September 11. I was on vacation from work with no specific plans for my free time (always a dangerous notion). We had Belle put to sleep after she was diagnosed with lymphoma (incidentally, five of us on the Hodgkin's e-mail list have had household dogs and cats die from lymphoma during or not long after our own lymphoma treatments... spooky). On that same day, I bought my new car, which I still love to drive. I don't miss the T-bird. at. all.

Last week I was greeted with the news that my eyes have NOT changed in the past year, for the first time in my life since first grade. That means no need for new eyeglass lenses and I get to save about $100.

This past weekend brought two Halloween parties, a play, and my final trip to Cedar Point for the summer (total: nine). At Friday's party, I had some Papa John's pizza around 10:30 p.m. Guess what happened exactly 3 hours later at 1:30 a.m.? That's right, I had to drink an entire glass of water! On Saturday, I managed to find two hours to hike through Cascade Park and take pictures. This has been a very late autumn for foliage, and there was an odd mix of green, red/orange/yellow, and bare trees. I'll post some of my shots once I get the prints back.

And then tonight I wrote this blog post. Time flies when you're doin' stuff. Or not doin' stuff.

we now return to your regularly scheduled life, already in progress

My oncologist said the mass in my chest -- originally 9 cm but now 2 cm -- is calcifying, meaning it's dead and the immune system is having its way with it. The CAT scan showed no swollen lymph nodes in the abdomen or pelvis.

HOORAY.

Now I truly feel like I can move on. This was the first scan since radiation, so I was still leaving a little room for doubt in my mind that something could still be growing in there. This is proof that there isn't; let's hope it stays that way.

The doc was impressed (dare I say, surprised?) that I felt no different than before the treatment. They wrote it off to me being young. My nurse clinician said that, in time, my veins shouldn't be as problematic as they were Friday. Currently, they're still trying to repair from the chemo drugs and all the times I was poked. The veins, I mean, not the doctors.


A few more items for today's blog:

My friends and I are once again planning a trip to New York City, this time for early March. Plans include seeing the Broadway shows Avenue Q and Spamalot and catching an Islanders hockey game. I've never been to a hockey game, let alone watched one on TV, nor do I have any idea how it's played, nor am I any kind of sports fan outside of baseball, and I barely follow that either... but hey, it's New York (I'm not sure how "hey, it's New York" explains why I want to see a hockey game, but it sounded good when I typed it). Stu's a big fan, having grown up there. Actually, whether or not Stu has grown up at all is somewhat debatable among the taco gang. :D But the same could be said for most of us.

If You are for to being interested in much Enjoyment of rare and silver french Horn, please to be clicking this eBay Auction. Read the paragraph under the first image. Also note that the guy has private feedback (which generally means they have something to hide), 10% of which is negative or neutral.

Lastly, one of the recent blog trends has been to google one's name with the word needs, e.g. "bryan needs," and see what comes up. Another blogger suggested using "[name] hates" instead. I did this a few weeks ago on Kristy's blog, and now that page comes up as the first result. So in the interest of further skewing the results, here's a new list from googling, ignoring what I posted to Kristy's:

• Bryan HATES HIPPIES
• Bryan hates the bondholders.
• Bryan hates the time decay a weekend represents (oy, ain't that the truth).
• Bryan hates customers standing at the bar for any other purpose than giving him money.
• Bryan hates Woody Allen.
• Bryan hates the world and he hates his fans, but most of all he hates japan.
• BRYAN HATES SUN (you would too if you just got several lifetimes' worth of radiation therapy).
• Bryan hates himself momentarily for not taking the opportunity to loll about in the nearby video arcade during some portion of the last two hours (understandable; no sense passing up a perfectly good video arcade for a little of the old Ms. Pac-Man von).
• Bryan hates pot heads.
• Bryan hates the aquabats.
• Bryan hates mandolins.
• Bryan hates almost everything.

Try it for yourself. Just go to www.google.com and type "[your first name] hates" in quotes and see what you find. You never knew you hated so much!

randomness quiz

Copied this from Kristy's blog.

1. When you look at yourself in the mirror, what's the first thing you look at?
My hair, to see if I need a haircut (even if I just got it cut yesterday).

2. How much cash do you have on you?
$65, because I just got paid at rehearsal last night.

3. What's a word that rhymes with "TEST"?
Best.

4. Favorite plant?
Mimosa pudica, the sensitive plant that folds up when you touch it.

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
I don't have any missed calls, but my fourth last received call was from Allen.

6. What is your main ring tone on your phone?
Maple Leaf Rag, because no one else uses it and I can easily tell it's my phone that's ringing.

7. What shirt are you wearing?
Ash gray t-shirt with a grayish-blue unbuttoned shirt on top (what my friends call "shirt with a shirt"; yes I'm stuck in the '90s sometimes).

8. Do you "label" yourself, could you?
I label myself "Grammar Nazi," Cap'n Comma-Splice.

9. Name the brand of your shoes you're currently wearing?
Nike.

10. Bright or Dark Room?
Both: one of the sets of lights is burnt out and we don't have any more bulbs.

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
If I may be perfectly serious for a moment, I think Kristy has been a wonderful addition to Tom's life, and I'm sure he'd agree that he wouldn't be the same without her.

12. Ever "spilled the beans"?:
Oh, all the time. I have trouble keeping a secret unless someone asks me not to tell; otherwise I feel compelled to share whatever bit of amusing/shocking news I might have. I'm working on it, but just so you know, if you tell me something and don't want it spread far and wide, don't assume that I'll be able to discern what's considered public or private. :)

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?:
Packing my lunch for today.

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell phone say?:
I've never received a text message, other than from Verizon to tell me my prepay account has been renewed.

15. Do you ever click on "Pop Ups" or Banners?
I don't usually see them. Hurrah for Safari's popup/ad blocker!

16. What's a saying that you say a lot?:
With my taco buddies, "Yayyyyyyyyyyyy." Around my college friends, I start most sentences with, "Gah, Mr. [action/adjective of person I'm speaking to]." For example, if Jason says, "Oh, you should read today's Family Circus," I would reply, "Gah, Mr. Reads the Family Circus." A variant on this theme is cap'n, which has a similar structure: "Gah, Cap'n Reads the Family Circus over there." It's all quite simple, really, and we have a rather storied dialect, mostly thanks to me.

17. Who told you they loved you last?:
To tell the truth, I don't recall; but then, I think actions of love speak louder than words, so I don't get hung up about it.

18. Last furry thing you touched?:
Sad to say, I think it was Belle, and that was August 31st. Does anyone have a beagle we can rent for a day?

19. How many drugs have you done in the past three days?
NONE. It's nice not being on any prescriptions anymore.

20. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?:
None. I have the digital for quick stuff and haven't gone shutter-bugging for a while with the film cam. I'm quite jealous of Allen's digital SLR camera.

21. Favorite age you have been so far?:
24, I suppose. Ages 22-24 were sort of "limbo" ages, because I was no longer a student but didn't quite feel like an adult yet. 25 feels more like a milestone.

22. Your worst enemy?:
I'm pretty sure that would be Tim Kingman. Or GT.

23 What is your current desktop picture?
This one from my Cascade Park shoot a few years ago.

24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
"No thanks, I had a bagel."

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a major regret, which would it be?
Hmm... I don't think I have any regrets that would be worth that much, so I'm going to pick Moolah for $1,000,000, Alex.

26. Do you love/like someone?
Myself. :D

cool commercial

Guiness: Good Things Come To Those Who Wait

arrgh, stupid chemo

I used to donate blood all the time, and they never had any trouble finding a good vein right away. But after about the 5th cycle of chemo, my veins have been nearly microscopic. That wasn't as much of a problem during chemo, because they could usually go through the hand, but with my last CAT scan, the technician had to call in a nurse to stick me, and it even took her a while. They said they try to avoid using the hand veins.

That was two weeks after I finished chemo, and when it showed little decrease from April's CAT scan, we went ahead to radiation. Five weeks after my rads, I had a blood test and met with my oncologists, who gave me the timetable for checkups (CAT scan every four months for two years, thyroid test after six months).

Today was the first four-month scan, and once again the technician had trouble finding a suitable vein. Unfortunately, at the Westlake Imaging Center of the Cleveland Clinic, they don't have other staff on hand they can call to help with phlebotomous problems like these, so she called the Strongsville office to squeeze me into their schedule.

First, let me say my appointment was at 10:00, but the elderly woman before me was allergic to everything (including the tape), so I didn't actually get in until 10:40. So I was over at Strongsville around 12:45, where the technician looked around both arms and didn't even bother trying to stick me. She called a nurse down (the same one who did it back in June); she stuck me once, but had no luck. She called another nurse who had more experience with infinitesimal vessels such as mine. Her stick likewise hit nothing, so she called someone from surgery, who, fortunately, was not busy at the moment. She got the needle in fairly quickly ("quickly" compared to the time I had already spent lying there).

So it took five people and four jabs to get it done, but after that it was smooth sailing. I hadn't eaten anything all day, and only a little bit of water, so I treated myself to a late lunch at Panera Bread across the street. They're selling awareness-ribbon-shaped cherry-craisin-vanilla bagels this month and giving a portion of the profits to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation (get it? cherry + vanilla = pink). I bought a dozen, although maybe if I had bought them before the scan it would've had a karmic effect on the plumpability of my veins.

Do any of you have a net worth of $7.5 million, $3 million in liquid assets, and "a passion for fresh bread"? I'd love to have a Panera Bread in Elyria. Currently, the closest location is Avon Commons. Mmmmmm...

I'll see my oncologists Tuesday, who will tell the results of today's scans. Here's hopin' nothing's growin'.

bird makes tools

There has been news lately of biologists observing gorillas and birds using tools. In the process of reading about this, I found a National Geographic article about Betty, the New Caledonian crow who can make tools without prior coaching. They put a small bucket of food in a tube and left a straight piece of wire nearby. Betty picked up the wire and tried to use it to retrieve the food, but when that didn't work, she bent one end of the wire into a hook shape and used that to lift the bucket by the handle. The video is pretty cool.

In fact, I think birds in general are pretty cool, and I say that not just because of my surname. For years, paleontologists have been talking about the link between dinosaurs and birds. One easy example is the feathered archaeopteryx ("some kind of bird-reptile"), but some researchers think "raptor" dinos may have evolved from birds as well, losing the power of flight in the way the ostrich did. There's also talk of most dinosaurs having feathers to help regulate body heat. I have trouble wrapping my brain around the image of a feathered, flightless dinosaur, but that may have indeed been the case, including with the velociraptor made famous in the film Jurassic Park.

Feathered dinosaurs

uncle sam wants YOU to head up FEMA...

...if you've got the right connections. :)

Crony Jobs (Be sure to read the drop-down menus too.)

new shirt

I got a t-shirt at Target with this on it:



I also considered the one with a picture of the original Nintendo and the words "classically trained" (what with me being a classically-trained pianist), but I didn't feel like buying two, and Pac-Man trumps Nintendo. I played Mario 3 a lot, but I had quite a major Pac-Man phase (obsession?) prior to that.

Aww, what the heck. Here are some animated images that take me back:

Inky, ghost from Pac-Man, Ms. Pac-Man, and I think all the other incarnations as well.

Few people actually played Pac-Man Plus, but this is what the ghosts looked like when Pac ate an energizer pill. The old Chuck E. Cheese in North Olmsted had a Pac-Man Plus machine, you know, back when C.E.C. was cool and not all toddler-oriented (but that's fine; I have Dave & Buster's now -- the Chuck E. Cheese for adults!).

Raccoon Mario from Super Mario Bros. 3. The tail allowed him to fly if he ran fast enough.

Here's Sonic the Hedgehog out for a stroll. Since I had a Sega Genesis but not Super Nintendo, Sonic had my brand loyalty in junior high and high school.

This pointless post is brought to you by the letter P, and the number 5.

fall colors

As you can see, I've changed the color scheme of my blog. It was a lot more screwing around than I bargained for, so I probably won't do it often, but I'll keep this theme through Thanksgiving.

Speaking of fall, now would be a good time to check out my Cascade Park in Autumn photos from 2002 and 2004. If the weather cooperates next weekend, maybe I'll take some more.

Incidentally, this is my favorite time of year. It's the one occasion when orange and brown make sense. I like the crisp, cool mornings, just as the sun is coming up; the slight breeze, requiring a jacket; the smell of a freshly raked pile of leaves; apple cider; candy corn; carving pumpkins... and come this weekend, my friends and I will be going to a corn maze, of all things.

Summer is hot and needs sunblock every second I'm outside; winter doesn't know when it has overstayed its welcome, which means spring barely gets a chance to speak; but fall is fine by me.