language pointers

Here are a few grammar- and language-related pointers for those who care:

"Needless to say" means just that; it does not mean "here's a little bit of wordy filler to make this sentence sound conversational." "Needless to say" should be used when the next clause is something obvious to the reader; that's why it doesn't need to be said (even though the writer goes on to say it anyway).

Incorrect: "A telemarketer called me today. Needless to say, I despise telemarketing, so I hung up on him."
Correct: "The last time a telemarketer called me, I gave him a laundry list of reasons why I wouldn't give him my birthdate and Social Security number to a stranger over the phone. Now I've decided to just hang up on them. Needless to say, I despise telemarketing."

See the difference? In the first example, the writer's dislike for telemarketing was not made obvious by the context, whereas in the second case it was supported by the previous statements.

The plural of virus in English is viruses, not viri or virii. And no, I don't care how many times you think you've seen virii in a professional publication; reputable publishers use viruses, as do dictionaries. This page explains it in more detail, but the short version is that "virus" originally referred to snake venom, hence there was no need for a plural form in Latin. Viri is the plural of vir ("man"), and virii would require the singular form to be virius (a word which does not exist). Contrary to popular belief, hypercorrection does not make one sound smarter. :)

When something belongs to it: its; when it is: it's. Although English adds apostrophe-s to indicate a possessive ("bryan bird's blog"), this is not the case with pronouns such as he ("his"), they ("theirs"), and we ("ours"). The easiest way to remember it is this: if you can't change "it's" into "it is," then use its.

Along that same line, apostrophe-s never makes a word plural! Really: never! I'll let Dave Barry field this one:
Dear Mister Language Person: What is the purpose of the apostrophe?
Answer: The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business signs to alert the reader that an "S" is coming up at the end of a word, as in: WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHECK'S, or: NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY ITEM'S.

Another important grammar concept to bear in mind when creating hand- lettered small-business signs is that you should put quotation marks around random words for decoration, as in "TRY" OUR HOT DOG'S, or even TRY "OUR" HOT DOG'S.
--Dave Barry, Tips for Writer's

That all said, I've probably made several grammatical and spelling errors in this post myself, which we at the snopes.com message board sometimes call Todd's Law: "As a post corrects the grammar and spelling of a previous post, the probability of the post itself containing grammatical and spelling errors approaches 1." This is why, if a written piece is really important, it's always good to let it sit for a day or two before proofreading it, or to give it to another person to read. Preferably a person who knows the plural of virus. And doesn't use sentence fragments. Or begin sentences with conjunctions for effect. Like that. *ahem*

snowflakes

Yeah yeah, so I haven't posted in over two weeks. Until I have something of further value to talk about, here's a site I discovered a few years back: Make-a-Flake. It lets you make snowflakes like the kind we used to do in elementary school, only with undo/redo and the ability to make cuts that would be difficult with the thickness of paper. Here are three that I made (click to see larger versions):

    

Enjoy.

i got a raise!

When I received my pay stub today, I noticed a funny little number in the "rate" column I had never seen before.

I GOT A RAISE!

I was extremely surprised. Our president must be a mind-reader, because after reading over my responses to the year-in-review quiz (below), I was going to ask for a raise anyway. Mind you, I'm still not "richer than astronauts," but at least now I'm on par with a starting teacher's salary. :) Nonetheless, this was a great motivational boost and it's nice to feel appreciated.

Since the new wage was on today's paycheck, it actually applied to hours worked from mid-December on. So when I answered my quiz below and said I didn't receive a raise in 2005, I guess that wasn't entirely true, although for tax purposes it counts when you receive the pay, not when you earn it.

On top of that, we all received an extra check for our unused vacation and sick days, which hasn't been done before, at least not in the three years I've been here. Did one of our shareholders win the lottery? What next, a color printer that actually works?

2006 is off to a good start. Monetary-Employment Mojo deposit for everyone!


In other news, I had a chest X-ray and blood test this past Tuesday and saw my oncologist. Nothing abnormal, and my thyroid is fine, despite the radiation therapy. Hurrah! 2006 is off to a very good start.

animaniacs coming to dvd this summer

A relatively-reliable rumor has it that both Animaniacs and Pinky and the Brain will be released on DVD this summer! This site says July 25, but that date could change. They're even saying perhaps a second volume by Christmas.

Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

"I think so, Brain, but if they called them 'Sad Meals,' kids wouldn't buy them!"

2005 year in review quiz

Again, got the quiz from Kristy:

01 What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
I sang the National Anthem at Jacobs field as part of the CAC Singers.

02 Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more?
I gave up making resolutions for the new year long ago, mainly because mine were pretty unimaginative ("stop biting fingernails," etc.) and I think it's better to just make the resolution when you're mentally prepared for it rather than waiting for a specific date.

03 Did anyone close to you give birth?
No, but Laurie will in a few months.

04 Did anyone close to you die?
Belle, our miniature beagle.

05 What countries did you visit?
Some say I went to Canada. Others say, Toronto.

06 What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
An income high enough that I can afford to live on my own.

07 What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
The date that's etched upon my memory is Monday, July 25, which is the last day I received radiation therapy. Mind you, that's the date which comes to mind quickly. The more memorable days (although I had to look up the dates) would be Tuesday, August 30 -- the first time I saw my oncologists after finishing treatments -- and Tuesday, October 25 -- my first 4-month checkup, at which I was told the tumor was dead. Mentally, Oct. 25 was the most relieving, so I suppose I should commit that date to memory.

08 What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Beating cancer!

09 What was your biggest failure?
Allowing too many small projects to work their way into my schedule at the sacrifice of larger projects, and allowing larger projects to work their way into my schedule at the sacrifice of smaller projects.

10 Did you suffer illness or injury?
Well, there was that whole Hodgkin's Lymphoma IIa NS deal...

11 What was the best thing you bought?
Aside from the new car, the season pass to Cedar Point would probably be #2 on the list.

12 Whose behavior merited celebration?
Gah, celebration? The behavior of my tumor, I guess. It died.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I don't recall being depressed, but I was pretty appalled by Pat Robertson last August.

14 Where did most of your money go?
In raw numbers, I suppose the largest amount of money that went to one single item would be to Jack Matia Honda for the down payment on my new car.

15 What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Wow, that's a lot of reallies. I suppose buying the car had the most anticipatory excitement, as I had spent almost two years researching which one would best suit my needs and what would be the best way to pay for it. The closer I came to making the purchase, the more and more annoyed I became with the T-bird. Unfortunately, the day I finally bought the Civic was the same day we had Belle put to sleep.

16 What song will always remind you of 2005?
I'm not good at naming names of songs or bands on the radio, but I imagine ten years from now I'll hear a song and say, "ah, that takes me back to 2005!" much in the same way that certain songs remind me of my freshman year of high school ("Zombie" by The Cranberries would be one example). In fact, listening to Forbidden Broadway: Special Victims Unit already reminds me of going to Cedar Point, since Stu and I listened to it all the time on our way there.

17 Compared to this time last year, are you:
happier or sadder – happier; at this time last year, I was just starting chemo
older or wiser – both; 25 was a mini-milestone for feeling older, yet I'm still in the learning years of adult life
thinner or fatter? – slightly fatter, but slightly less than before I started chemo
richer or poorer? – still earning the same wage I did over two years ago, so adjusting for inflation and the Consumer Price Index, I'm technically poorer -- edited to add: actually, I was not earning the same wage at the time I took this quiz, but I didn't know that until a few days later

18 What do you wish you'd done more of?
Photography, walking through Cascade Park

19 What do you wish you'd done less of?
Chewing on my fingers.

20 How did you spend Christmas?
You can read about it here, but the synopsis is: church in the morning, presents afterward, wreath placed at grandparents' gravesites, dinner late afternoon, visiting relatives in the evening. Come home, enjoy the tree, sleep.

22 Did you fall in love in 2005?
Ooh, isn't that a juicy question. I might tell you all some day, but not today. :)

23 How many one-night stands?
Never had one and I intend to keep it that way.

24 What was your favorite TV program?
This year, it's been all about Family Guy.

25 Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
"Hate" is a pretty strong word; I don't think I hate anyone, but I did lose some respect for a few people based on things that have happened in the past year. To balance it out, I gained respect for a few others.

26 What was the best book you read?
Essential Manners for Men by Peter Post (great-grandson of Emily). It's written in a conversational, non-condescending tone and, rather than simply giving a list of seemingly arbitrary female-contrived rules for men to follow, actually explains why certain conventions of etiquette exist and why it's good to follow them. I still don't necessarily agree with all the "rules," but at least now I better understand why society has these expectations.

27 What was your greatest musical discovery?
The Cleveland Athletic Club Singers! I was paid to play the piano for a good director and a friendly group of choiristers.

28 What did you want and get?
These questions are getting a bit redundant... I wanted and got a new car, OK?? I wanted and got treatment for my cancer. I wanted and got a haircut and a new shirt. I wanted and got pork roast for dinner last night.

29 What did you want and not get?
A raise at work. -- edited to add: four days after I answered this quiz, I discovered I was given a raise at work that applied from mid-December on, although I didn't know about it until I saw my pay stub. 2006 is looking better already!

30 What was your favorite film of this year?
I saw far fewer movies in 2005 than 2004, but I saw The Producers last week, which was hilarious.

31 What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Saw Revenge of the Sith, took a vacation day, slept in, went to Cedar Point, turned 25. Read all about it here

32 What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Immeasurably? Well then: higher pay, a new job, a new car earlier in the year, my own apartment, and let's just erase that whole cancer treatment thing. While we're at it, let's throw in the house in the suburbs with the 9-foot concert grand and the beagle loping in the yard.

33 How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
2005 brought a pretty even mix of rugby shirts and "shirt with a shirt" (that mid-to-late-'90s style of a t-shirt with an unbuttoned overshirt). The past few years have seen my tastes slowly shift from blue to various shades of green, but in 2005 I pretty much rolled in a field of shamrocks and key limes. I've been moving away from the shirt-with-a-shirt, and will probably stick to t-shirts and rugby shirts in 2006. Pants are generally plain jeans (i.e., no extra pockets or loops or stripes or 'distressing' or any of the other crap that's in style these days) or cargo khakis. I view shoes as purely functional, and really get irritated when people (especially women, but also society in general) make a big spectacle about footwear. I never, and I mean NEVER look at people's feet, nor do I get my jollies finding fault in other people's clothing choices. Someone could be wearing yellow socks and bright red shoes to a funeral and I would have no idea. I wear walking shoes casually, or sandals if it's hot, or hiking boots if it's cold and snowy. I only wear dress shoes when necessary because society tells me to. Sorry, I just. really. don't. care. about. shoes. Period. [/end rant]

34 What kept you sane?
Why, the Three Laws of Getting Along with People, of course!

35 Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Can't think of any, really.

36 What political issue stirred you the most?
The things that stirred me were the ones that shouldn't have been political issues, but were (which is most of them, e.g., Terri Schiavo, Hurricane Katrina, the War on Christmas). These days, the line between politics and religion is so thin, not even an electron microscope could detect it.

37 Who did you miss?
Belle.

38 Who was the best new person you met?
No new people I've met seem to stick out in my mind, so I can't really say who the 'best' would be.

39 Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005:
Get health insurance. You are not invincible.

40 Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"For Now" from Avenue Q
(listen to this excerpt, about 2 minutes long, 452k)

Nothing lasts, life goes on, full of surprises.
You'll be faced with problems of all shapes and sizes.
You're going to have to make a few compromises,
for now...

But only for now!

For now we're healthy. For now we're employed.
For now we're happy, if not overjoyed.
And we'll accept the things we cannot avoid,
for now...

But only for now!

[...]

Don't stress, relax,
Let life roll off your backs.
Except for death and paying taxes,
Everything in life is only for now!

Each time you smile,
It'll only last a while.
Life may be scary,
But it's only temporary

Everything in life is only for now.